Shaune Lauren Lancit

My daughter, Shaune, has been pestering me to write a column about her.  I have hesitated because I don’t really know how to capture all the feelings I have about her in a short essay.  I have spent many hours considering how I would write about her and what I would say.

Being a parent is such a complicated experience.  We never ponder the length of service we sign on for when we father a child.  We don’t think about the fact that for the rest of our days we will have this person in our lives, for better or for worse.  We have no concept of the responsibility, the trials, the joys, the pain, the anxiety, the terror, the happiness, the anger, the pride, the love we are going to experience for the rest of our days because of this human being we have created.  When Cecily and I discovered that Shaune was coming, all we could think about was the ‘baby’ and the immediate future.  The rest of it was just a haze of possibility with no real thought as to the magnitude of the task that lay ahead of us.  We just knew we would do what everyone else did who had a child.

Shaune is 25 years old.  Those are my 25 years as well.  40% of my life has been about her.  I could never have imagined the journey—it is so overwhelming.  Any description of her; any column I could write about her is about me too.  She is a product of me, a result of me, a consequence of me.  We are told by all the psychiatrists that we are not responsible for the actions of our children; that their decisions in life are wholly their own, that we should not feel responsible for what they choose for themselves.  Do you parents out there really believe that?  Perhaps that is true on a functional level, but not on a metaphysical one—at least for me.

I could never have imagined what her life (or mine for that matter) has become thus far.  It has been a path with unbelievable twists and turns.   It is the quintessential adventure for both of us that we could never have planned.

The biggest surprise is that my daughter has become what every father at his core wants for his child.  He wants her to be healthy, happy, self-aware and fulfilled.  We both know that her success in reaching this state of being was incredibly difficult, and is by no means locked in forever.  It can all disappear in a heartbeat.  We know this because it was a struggle to get here.  We know this because we are both aware of the vagaries and fickleness of life.  But we also know that being here, now, in each other’s lives with each of ourselves basically intact is the most joyous thing.  We share our lives, our love, our family.  We don’t know what tomorrow may bring, but we are thankful for today and the journey we have made together so far.

We are the lucky ones.  I love you my darling Honeysuit!  You have given me one helluva ride, and I wouldn’t have missed it for the world!